Nice guys don’t always come in last.
If you’re a nice guy and you’ve thought at some point in your life:
1. good girls always choose the wrong guys.
2. I’ve been so nice to this girl why doesn’t she have feelings for me? What’s wrong with me??
3. girls just lead guys on because they know that they’ll always have that “one guy friend that would be willing to do anything for her”.
..then let me do my best to break it down for you. (from a girl’s perspective)
Some girls WILL choose the wrong guy. It happens more often than not: a girl will get back together with a guy who’s done her wrong or who isn’t the best person for her… but that’s her choice. She has to learn on her own. You can say anything you want to try and stop her from getting back together with that terrible ex but it doesn’t really matter. Being in love is blinding and it can make people do crazy things.
Now let me paint a scene: you’re super nice to this girl. You’d do everything for her: go on errand runs, pay for her food, help her when she’s drunk, drive her to places she needed to be, and more! When you finally work up the courage to confess she says, “I’m really sorry. You’re a nice guy but…”
Boom. You’re hit with this disappointing feeling in your chest.
Let me paint another scene: you swipe right on this girl on Tinder. So automatically, you message her a witty one-liner. She responds laughing and you guys really hit it off in the conversation. Suddenly, mid-conversation, she begins to respond slower and slower… until she completely stops responding. Boom.
“What did I do wrong? The conversation was going so well?”
“What happened? I thought she would like me if I acted like a gentleman.”
“What’s the whole point of being nice to girls if they won’t like me back? What’s wrong with me? Why doesn’t she like me?”
REALITY CHECK: Being nice to girls doesn’t entitle them to like you as more than a friend. And if you’re JUST being nice to them just so you can “get the girl”- then maybe you’re not a nice guy after all.
Don’t get me wrong, I’m not being biased. Some girls can be TOTAL b*tches but that doesn’t mean you should generalize all girls as stand-offish, picky, or a b*tch. (Generalizing goes with anything in life, btw. Don’t do it!)
Listen, you WILL find someone in life. I don’t want to put labels or speak to only group A & B on the gender spectrum- this goes for everyone. Love happens over time. Don’t try to force yourself into a relationship just because all of your friends are getting into relationships. It doesn’t work that way. You don’t get to choose who you fall in love with. If you continue to live your life, work on yourself, and create yourself- then everything else will naturally fall into place.
Sure, get yourself on a dating app/site to speed up the process but don’t put yourself down just because something doesn’t spark with someone. It’s not you- it’s just that the connection isn’t there… and that doesn’t make you any less of a person. One day, you’ll find someone (or someone will find you) and the spark will be there.
And when that day comes, you’ll know.
x Jess
