Dear Jessica,
You’ve experienced a lot of things in your life up until this point… (like A LOT)
Specifically, at the age of 19, you’ve experienced:
1. a good friend coming out to you
2. anxiety over failing your first exam in college
3. feeling lost in your sea of thoughts
4. sinking in those thoughts
5. being your own worse critic and admitting to it
6. still battling Anxiety and Depression in the ring
7. feeling like you’re slowly losing your sanity (for the millionth time)
8. learning, “when somebody tells you that you’ve hurt them, you don’t have any right to say that you didn’t.”
9. celebrating 2 birthdays and attending a funeral in the same day- realizing that both will occur more often as you grow up
10. Loss
11. Heartbreak
12. Jealousy & how to work on it
13. Meeting new people with different personalities and stories to tell
14. Your older sister’s engagement
15. Learning how to manage your work life, social life, and personal life
16. Achieving Dean’s List and being accepted into a competitive study abroad program
17. Being the only 1 in your journalism class to interview the Senator of Delaware
18. Revisiting Disney World and allowing your inner child to roam free in public and not be ridiculed for it
19. Being in love with the idea that there’s a whole universe inside of you bursting at your seams and finding serenity.
I’ve written all of these experiences down in my journal. That journal is to mainly document my feelings towards anxiety and suicidal thoughts. Both of which are still present in my life. Both of which I’m still trying to tame. However, for my 19th birthday, I’ve received a happiness journal. So there’s always a glimmer of hope somewhere, right?
I believe that 20s are my years. Think about it: between the ages of 20-29, you would have graduated from college, found a full-time job, moved out of your parents’ place, and settled down with someone- at least, according to the sociological clock.
But in reality, there really isn’t a time for anything. So whether or not I (or anyone, really) decides to make something out of their “years” then that’s up to them. But why not? Why not make something of our lives?
I always say with a bitter taste in my mouth, “Another year of being alive,” whenever my birthday comes around. But let’s not hate life. Let’s start to love life and everything it has to offer… because I find that when you love life to the fullest, life tends to love you back.
Sincerely,
Jess
