If you’ve been following my journey, then you know that this blog post has been long overdue. I’ve started this series at the Age of 19, with the Age of 20 following the year after. To be completely honest with you guys, as I always am, I haven’t physically journaled at all during the age of 21. I only have 3 written pages from that year in my journal that I will post on this blog eventually… I think that the age of 21 marked a year of change for me. A lot seemed to happen all at once and I didn’t know how to handle it. I was met with a lot of new changes that I had to face head on, with no time or leisure to pick up a pen and paper to write it all down and sort out my thoughts. There was no time to think, just do. So here’s what I learned and experienced in the blur that was the Age of 21.

  1. sometimes part of healing and moving on means accepting the good AND bad parts of yourself then seeing where you can grow from there
  2. bad people are capable of good things. good people are capable of bad things. 
  3. don’t add any unnecessary stress on to any relationship- familial, friendships, and your significant other.
  4. if someone makes you happy, then make them happier. 
  5. when a toxic person can no longer control you, they will try to control how others view you.
  6. Just because someone changes, does not mean you have to forgive them. Change doesn’t always entail forgiveness and forgiveness doesn’t always entail change.
  7. nothing will be able to emotionally prepare you for post-grad life, absolutely nothing. 
  8. it’s not about how many mistakes you’ve made, it’s about how you choose to come back from those mistakes and grow as a person.
  9. you are not the same person you were 2 years ago. you are not the same person you were yesterday. keep growing. 
  10. establishing boundaries isn’t always a selfish thing to do!!
  11. you can survive heartbreak, no matter how painful. 
  12. love is not simple- sometimes you have to create your own happy ending.
  13. In anything bad that happens, something good can always come out of it. 
  14. no matter how harsh the world can be, always remain kind. 
  15. being overly sensitive is not always a bad thing. feeling too deeply can be a weakness but it can also be a strength. there is strength in vulnerability.
  16. Do not measure how successful you are based off of how productive you were in a day. 
  17. It’s okay to sleep in sometimes.
  18. Stop seeking safety within other people or places, find it within yourself. 
  19. You will still be scared of a lot of things- spiders, dark corners, eating alone, and even the taunting thoughts in your mind.
  20. But with every fear or traumatic event, you practice visualizing yourself sitting on a train. as you stare out the window, you see that life can be beautiful. next thing you know, the image turns dark and horrid. as much as you want to look away, you must force yourself to look at the scary image, knowing that the train is still moving forward and that life can still be beautiful.  
  21. Everything will be okay. 

The age of 21 was an age of change and healing. Once I turned 21, I entered my senior year of college, became Vice-President of my dance crew, and became Senior Style Director of an on-campus fashion magazine. Next thing you know, I was processing down the aisle with the graduation anthem playing and shaking hands with my program director. While my mom and her boyfriend moved out of my childhood home- I moved in with my boyfriend for a month, received a full-time job, found my own apartment, and began to pay all of my own bills. On top of all of this craziness, I had the privilege of being my sister’s maid of honor and to see her marry her highschool lover. 

However, all of these events are not a direct reflection of my mental health. I documented all of the positive milestones on my Instagram page but I didn’t show how I relapsed into old suicidal thoughts or began to develop anxious behaviors such as scratching my arms until the skin broke. If I’m being honest again, I never even told anyone about my struggles and the only souls who do know just so happened to be in the right place at the right time for me. 

I think that it’s important to reflect on the positive and negatives in your life. Jotting down these lessons are a way for me to keep learning and growing as a person. I want to keep bettering myself. I want to keep loving. I want to keep living my life. 

And in the midst of all of this, I want to keep writing. I don’t know where this blog is going. From all of my different reviews on books and products, to my travel tips, to my honest/raw writings. All that I know is that I want to keep writing. I want to keep growing. So expect more from me again, I’m sorry for abandoning this blog for so long. I just didn’t know how to jump back into it. But I’m here now, I promise.

-Jessica Lucy Chau